At some point, everyone will hit a sexual dry spell.
No spark. No drive. Nothing.
You wonder if you ever had any sex drive to being with. Maybe it was just some wonderful dream.
But don't worry. It's nothing new though and there is always a solution.
REASONS FOR A LOW LIBIDO
Pregnancy and breastfeeding
Poor body image or low self-esteem
History of physical or sexual abuse
Previous negative sexual experiences
Lack of connection with your partner
Unresolved conflicts or fights
Infidelity or breach of trust
So, how do you get your sex drive back?
1. IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM(S)
This is the first, and most important step.
If you exercise like a maniac, but your medication is what’s messing things up, it won’t help bring back the fire.
Look at what the issue(s) could be, then think of PLAN A and PLAN B of possible solutions.
I know some of you out there immediately cringe and physically move away from your monitor when you see that suggestion.
We’ve been conditioned to think of ridiculously long and grueling workout sessions.
However, instead of thinking “exercise”, ask yourself, “How can I be more active?”
Walk a little longer
Get up from your desk every hour
Play with your kids more
If you are CERTAIN you’ll use that gym membership, go for it
Follow a 15-minute workout video
Deep clean something
Put on some music and dance
Get off the elevator a few floors below and walk the rest of the way
The list goes on...
3. CHANGE YOUR DIET
In general, eating healthier does wonderful things for your body - including a higher sex drive.
Eat as many fresh fruits and vegetables as possible. Keep your carbs and sugars in check.
I will also add “AVOID TOXINS” in this category. There is a lot of crap out there that can screw with our bodies … and not in the way we are hoping for.
Watch out for Phthalates and Parabens in particular - they’re sneaky and everywhere.
If you're open to things, another option is aphrodisiacs. They can get the blood pumping and testosterone going, which helps us get randy.
4. TRY THE NATURAL APPROACH
Natural herbs and roots have been used for thousands of years to increase libido.
What you’re looking for is the release of any helpful, natural chemicals to get the blood circulating as well as urges appearing.
REMEMBER, always do your research and ask a doctor/professional before you try any of these … except for the chocolate and garlic … I’m pretty sure you’re okay with those.
OPTIONS INCLUDE: Ashwaganda root, maca root, muira puama, , avena sativa, catuaba, damiana, suma root, tribulus terrestris, tongkat ali, yohimbe bark, Indian ginseng, cnidium monnier, ginkgo biloba, arlic, and dark chocolate.
Why not give aphrodisiacs a try? Learn more here:
5. GO THE OTHER MEDICAL ROUTE
Testosterone, hormones, and the little blue pill can help jump-start your fire when things get dire.
And while we’re on the topic of pills, your mediation’s side effects might be the cause as well.
6. BOOST YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
How you feel about yourself has a drastic effect on your sex life.
It’s 100% easier said than done, but 100% worth trying to improve.
Change your wardrobe, exercise to change your body image, read self-help books, go to support groups, surround yourself with people who make you feel great about yourself.
If your partner is the one having problems, make sure you do what you can to make them feel like a billion dollars.
7. FIND WAYS TO RELAX
Try meditation, yoga or Tai Chi
Soak in a hot bath, surrounded by scented candles
Have a glass of wine - but not too much or it will have the opposite effect
Divide chores equally or differently to take some of the load off your shoulders
Master the art of deep breathing - and not the kind you do to keep you from killing someone
Escape from the family/kids/pets and have a date night
8. TACKLE ANY SLEEP ISSUES
This is a tricky one. You could be avoiding the Sandman because of medication, stress, or a medical condition.
When you identify WHY you’re not sleeping well, then you can work on fixing or improving it.
Proper sleep makes SO many things better. Also (if it’s humanly possible) try to slip in naps every so often.
9. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
If the other person is the (or one of the) problems, you need to have a constructive, caring, and careful sit-down with them.
When trying this approach, both sides need to be honest but careful not to attack or make the other person feel like crap about things (which will just make things go down the crapper even further).
10. CHECK YOUR BODY ODOR
Sorry, if you’re smelly, it’s a turn-off and you’re getting zero action.
And three weeks of not showering is not your “natural musk” …
...it’s a rancid layer of sweat.
Also, not brushing your teeth for a few days is okay when you're sick and can barely swallow blender mush, but if you’re just being lazy, no one is going to want to kiss you - and using your mouth is an integral part of hanky-panky.
A clean smell signals a healthy body and, instinctively, men and women are turned on by that.
Personally, I can’t let anyone’s fingers near my happy places if they haven’t washed their hands. It sounds like a “duh of course” situation, but you’d be surprised.
11. TAKE A STAB AT ACUPUNCTURE
Some people swear by it. Others insist it’s nothing but a theoretical placebo in needle-form.
Either way, practitioners of acupuncture insist they can cure ANY problem through this ancient branch of Chinese medicine.
12. KEEP TRYING NEW THINGS
Don’t try one thing then throw in the towel and vow to go celibate for the rest of your life.
Try, tweak, change, experiment.
There is always a solution to a problem - unless it’s me with a Rubix’s cube or intermediate math equation.
13. JUST DO IT
It’s a bit of a paradox, but having sex makes you want to have more sex.
Sometimes just stepping in the shallow end of the pool makes you want more.
Also, if you’re having trouble getting wet enough to perform, there’s your best friend Mr. Lube.
14. CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK
When things get hard, sex can turn into a chore or hassle. Look at ways to spice up your sex life and bring back the intimacy.
Need some ideas to help light that spark? Check out:
15. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
This could be a doctor or a therapist.
And, seeing a person like this is NOTHING to be ashamed of.
Throughout history, it was common for someone to consult a master or elder to help them with a problem. It was seen as seeking enlightenment or steps to correcting imbalances. However, media and misconceptions, however, have put a twisted spin on things.
Asking for help is never a bad thing, especially if infidelity is one of the factors in your dry spell.
DISCLAIMER: Although I like to play one in the bedroom on occasion, I am NOT a doctor. Any medical advice (western, alternative, or magical) should always be handled by a professional.
I think, above all, being patient is the most important thing you can do while on this journey. Things aren’t going to go from BLAH to BAM overnight.
Even after you find your spark, life might throw another obstacle in front of your genitals. It’s normal. We press on and find a way back to the bedroom … or living room, or back seat of your car.
The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Her Body Bank.
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