Going from the lips of an angel to the mouth of a sailor isn't something that comes naturally to everyone.
But is the ability to whisper dirty nothings in the bedroom a task that is necessary to your sexual survival?
It’s only a skill that adds spice to your escapades - like throwing sprinkles on cupcakes or an extra dash of salt to your steak.
So how do you add those sprinkles?
1. DON’T FIGHT YOUR PERSONALITY
If there is any language you normally find offensive (Eg. c*nt), that doesn't mean you have to spout it during the throws of passion - chances are you'll just freak out your partner and make them wonder if you're possessed by a demon.
Using profane language isn't even necessary.
If you're not the kind who is used to giving orders in the bedroom, you don't have to turn into a full dominatrix.
You will still be YOU - just a version that has turned up the heat a few degrees.
2. FIND INSPIRATION
There is an endless supply of homework material out there - music, erotic, novels, dirty poetry, and PORN.
There's also a wide enough variety that you can find something more tailor-made to your persona.
If you've never uttered a single dirty word in your life, search for something more soft-core.
If you’re more versed in this language, look for something harder.
Hear something you like? Write it down - (in a secret notebook you keep hidden in the basement with the old Christmas decorations if you need to).
Veer away from most medical terms for body parts.
There are a few exceptions that are interchangeable between a visit to the doctor and a visit to Hanky-Pank Town, but most just leave people giggling.
"I want to slowly run my lips down your labia majora" ... not sexy.
"I want to slowly run my lips down your pussy" ... better.
Maybe you have to ease your partner into the idea. Or perhaps they're more ready, and you're the one stepping into new territory.
Regardless, talking about it is important.
At a minimum, you need to be aware of any triggers (words or actions that will immediately destroy the mood). Openly and honestly tell them what things you will not say or can't stand to hear.
If you missed one, and they shout it during playtime, don't get furious. Take a moment to say something like, "Please don't use that word" or "I don't like that word", and let them make a mental note for the future.
NOTE: Playtime vs. Other Time is different
If someone called me a whore in everyday life, they could expect a swift kick to the nuts/vag,
If my partner whispers, "God, you're a dirty, little whore, and I fucking love it" in my ear while we are in the middle of a passion session ... he better hold on for dear life because wild girl will emerge.
4. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
The biggest mistake someone can make is trying to go from a fumbling novice to a sultry porn star overnight.
And unless you are one of the lucky few who can bend language over the knee and instantly make it your bitch, it takes time to form an eloquent tongue.
Write it down
Practice by yourself
Speak it OUT LOUD
For those of you who have done public speaking, you know that reading something in your head is totally different from reading out loud.
5. NO SOUNDING RIDICULOUS
"Make it like a sexy siren"
I cringed when I read this on another article.
Mostly because it sounds like something out of Madame Gertrude's Dollar Discount Sex Classes.
If you've never heard a siren before, how in the hell do you know how to speak like one? And watching porn or memorizing Marilyn Monroe is only making you adapt another person's voice.
It's much better to say, "Don't use your everyday tone/voice."
It's the difference between:
”Take off your shirt" (because I'm about to do a load of laundry)
"Take off your shirt" (because I'm going to ride you until you can't walk anymore)
Try a tone higher or lower, whimper, whisper, deeper, slower - whatever you're comfortable with.
And guess what?
In the middle of sex, you're already going to have that sexy voice. It's just the foreplay that might be an effort.
6. EASE INTO IT
You might see this piece of advice floating around the web - and I agree with it ...
…to a point.
It's true that jumping into hard-core language too quickly can be a total turn-off, and it's a good idea to build the heat slowly.
If you're both comfortable enough with dirty talk, sometimes a spontaneous, "Get in the bedroom and get your dick hard" can be unbelievably hot.
7. BODY LANGUAGE
A ridiculously high percentage of what we communicate is non-verbal (body language, facial expressions etc.).
It can also change a simple invitation to come to the bedroom to something that will make them scamper faster than a kid towards in ice-cream truck.
Running your fingers through their hair
Tracing your fingers along their jaw
Or (my favorite) grazing your lips along their ear while you whisper
8. PHRASES YOU CAN TRY
ORDERS AND INSTRUCTIONS
Taking charge can be hot as hell
Get in the bedroom and ...
Get on the bed and ...
Put your ...
Take off your ...
Touch yourself for me
Keep doing that
Fuck me like you own me
Grab/lick/squeeze/bite (body part)
Fuck me harder
Fill me up
I'm going to fill you up
I'm going to do whatever I want to you
Get on your knees and ...
Cum for me
Take me any way you want
Don't you dare move
COMPLIMENTS AND FEEDBACK
Egos need stroking more than other body parts
God, you're so sexy/beautiful/big/hot etc.
I was thinking about you...
I love feeling ...
I love it when you ...
You're an amazing kisser
You taste/smell so good
I get so wet when I think about you
I'm still sore/can't walk from last night
I touched myself while thinking about you - (great as a text message)
I want to rip off your clothes and take you right here
Nobody can fuck me like you do
That feels amazing
I love when you ...
I can't wait to ...
I need you right now ...
I want you to ...
I want to ...
I miss your ...
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
Do you like it when I ...
What do you want me to do to you?
What do you feel like doing to me?
Do you want it harder/faster/slower etc.
Guess what panties I'm wearing?
What position do you want most tonight?
How do you want to get fucked?
Guess what I'm going to do to you later?
Who does this pussy/cock belong to?
Are you going to be a good little girl/boy?
Where do you want me to cum?
Get on your knees.
Do you have any idea what I'm going to do to you?
Say it (forcing someone to admit something delicious)
OTHER THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND
Try dominant and submissive related language
Try role play
Describe your fantasies ... in detail
Don't get repetitive - it sounds like a bad porn
Pay attention and take cues
A simple apology, and a kiss, if you say something wrong
Stay positive about feedback and communication. Negativity makes people close up and not want to go down that path again.
Don't restrict it to JUST the bedroom
The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Her Body Bank.
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